"I'm Out There Jerry and Loving Every Minute Of It!"

Yes, I am a big Seinfeld fan (I actually watched taped episodes during the labor of my first child) and this is one of my favorite lines.....when Kramer is telling Jerry how much he loves NOT wearing underwear and that he won't go back. I love this line, and Kramer, because they exemplify embracing the choice of freedom so damn fantastically. Kramer and his ability to just completely grab life by the horns represent to me a most magnificent freedom. He does whatever "crazy" thing he is moved to do in each moment.

I have been thinking alot about the idea of freedom lately and reflecting on or questioning how much freedom and "crazy" do I allow for myself or allow in my life? Last night I attended the Green Day concert with my hubby, my son, and his friends. The idea of freedom filled my whole being.....really the sense of being alive was crashing like waves through my whole body. Billie Joe, the lead singer, put on an incredible performance that I felt completely moved by. He strutted, he jumped around, he swore like crazy, he sang passionately,......he literally rocked it out! I wanted to be him!! He was so in the moment and living his passion, and at the same time sharing that so generously with all of us.....helping us all to feel alive too. I soaked it all up....the lights, the $9.00 beer my husband bought, the smell of "dirty ass" weed, the f-bombs, the screaming crowd,....everything that was being given to me in that moment. I felt so alive and so extremely happy to be part of that moment.....and I want more moments.

At one point, Billie Joe pulled up members of the audience to sing or play his guitar. I was so happy and excited for those people....people willing to get up in front of thousands of people and take a chance at LIFE! Again, that moment brought me to the question of how am I living my life? Am I freeing myself up and fully living each moment, or am I censoring myself and holding back? Am I locking parts of myself in and keeping me away from it? Good questions, especially since I have come to realize that no one else can keep me away from it....no one else stands in my way, but me. I can choose my freedom or my limits at any time.

In fact, my most amazing husband reminded me of this just a few weeks ago when were were attending a party. You see, I have been more of a worrier type for most of my life....I kind of gave myself over to fear more than I would like to admit. I would describe myself as more of the sensitive type and next to my older sister, I always saw myself as the weak one. I grew up with migraines....the kind with the aura that comes first. Well, the aura unsettled me big time and so I grew fearful of them and what might trigger them. I gave my freedom away to them - plain and simple. Well, while my family and I were at a most cool rock n' roll party, I became concerned about the strobe light and it pissed me off that I was about to hand over my freedom to fear yet one more time. I told my husband that I hated that I was the sensitive type and he looked me right in the eye and said, "You can be whatever you want to be. You get to choose your own limits." Wow, those words packed a punch and hit me right where they needed to. I stood up, marched myself right over to the dance floor, and danced the night away with the strobe light. I danced like I have never danced before....feeling completely free, completely in the moment, and totally wrapped up in the joyful glee of being me - A Warrior Goddess Princess. Because, remember, I get to choose what I want to be :)